It has been a crazy few weeks. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and is enjoying the holiday season. I know I’ve been crazy busy and just slacking in all areas of my personal life so I am looking forward to the New Year and some change.
I have been getting a ton of questions about how to handle family during the time of wedding planning and just like everyone else I too struggle with the family drama. I will start by saying, family can be a great/ awful thing. Don’t take this the wrong way, because like everyone else I love my family but good lord can they be stressful.
If you have been following me, you know my family background and the reason behind my now circus of a wedding. If you are just tuning into my weekly posts, let me back up and start you with a background. My family is 1000000% Sicilian right off the boat. To them, the more dramatic the better and everything is an outshine and a production. I didn’t want a big wedding, my social anxiety gets the best of me in big situations and I much rather be a hermit in my own habit. Apparently, I am deep heartily a people please and here I am, working my tail off to produce the best circus of 2018 so everyone can just be happy.
Now, everyone and every family is different. I am paying most of my wedding with very little help. Although to some this may mean I have total control, keep in mind I am the people pleaser I hate myself to be. This wedding is about 45% my control and and 55% everyone else. Thus far with my experience, there are things I would have done differently and somethings I should have stuck my ground on.
- Who Gets the tab: This should be the tell all of your wedding. Although not the case for me, I wish I would have stuck with my gut and stayed small. When you are paying your own dues, there are a ton of things that should be said at the beginning of wedding planning. Start with a final and no budge number and stick too it when it comes to your guest list , create your own budget and keep in mind what is important to you! You work hard for your money and I truly believe to avoid any internal conflict, you should have the only say. If your like me and a people pleaser, I would let your other half handle the situation and lay down some ground rules. In the end, if this isn’t what you wanted it will lead to a ton of tears and a lot of frustration on your end.
- If your parents are paying: I am sorry but your signed off your right to control. Yes it is your wedding, but it is not your money so make sure your grateful.
- Handling Momzilla: Let’s face it, when moms hear the word wedding they go a little crazy. It’s like every mother out there waits years to replan what they wished they had done however many years ago. Before we start, go back to number one: is mom paying? If so, girl embrace the crazy and go along with it. Chances are your mom may seem nuts but she will do right by you in the end. If you are the one paying, I think it’s wonderful to get mom’s opinion and mix it with yours but still following your own playbook. If you don’t like pinks, DON’T get pink ! If you aren’t about the glam and you want lace, than put your foot down. I also think it is important to sometimes leave mom out of it . There have been a ton of cases where I just need to do things with my fiancé and choose things alone. I still come home and show my mom, but in order for me to feel like I have a say I need to just stand my grounds and get my space.
- Mother in Laws: I believe the mother of the groom has very to no say in a wedding. She gets to tell you who she wants at your wedding and thats it. If you have a MIL giving you a hard time, it is best to talk it out with your fiancé and let he/she handle the situation. The last thing you want to do is be hated before being excepted. Some mothers have a hard time letting go which can cause friction. Your best bet, it to breath and just talk it out with your fiancé. Explain how your feeling and let them handle their family on their own and best way.
- Divorced Parents: This is a tough one and a hard thing to tackle. This is a stressful time for a bride/groom and you can’t imagine what it feels like when your family is already distressed. My fiancé’s parents are divorced and we have done everything in our power to keep thinks fair to both parties. Unfortunately this isn’t something myself or he can control so we let the parents decide how to be adults and handle it. Make sure to include both parents in the process of the wedding planning, ask about where they want to sit, arrangements, rehearsal dinners and just how they want to keep it cordial. They are the parents and they need to be adults. If they can not, you reserve the right to not have your day ruined and ask that they sit out or stay civil. Do not let anyone else’s issues ruin your special day.
- Remember to remain a unit: Parents can drive you insane and cause a ton of arguments in a stressful situation even when they don’t mean too. I find it is important to remember that you need to stay one with your other half. Don’t let your/ his family drama ruin your bond. Talking things out, agreeing upon budget, guest count, and wedding plans prior to bringing up family matters. Don’t stop communicating with your significant other, that is in fact who your building a life with after all and the most important bond to neuter.
As always, I may not have all the answers but I am always here to listen and offer advice. Please remember to stay calm and breath ! It is okay to say no, stand your ground and protect yourself, your budget, and your relationships. Sometimes, its best to walk away and return to the discussion when things have cooled down. Don’t feel guilty about what is good for you and only you, you are your best advocate.
This post is part of our real blogger brides series. Follow @thestylepath as she writes twice a month and shares with us her wedding planning journey.