Welcome to Club Millennial. Home of the self-centered, Instagram narcissistic generation of beauty queens.
In today’s edition of wedding planning, I tackle the bridesmaids. In my recent planning and research through Facebook messages and what people want to read it came about that bridesmaids don’t know how to be bridesmaids anymore. In fact, some people these days barley can get their act together for themselves let alone be a good bridesmaid to a bride in need. So here I am, flipping my page backward to guide you to stop being a self center Millennial and be a damn good bridesmaid.
Now, I’ve been in quite of few bridal parties and in one case I was a MOH to my older cousin. I’ve had my fair share of ugly dresses, duties, and hefty checks send out and guess what THAT’S WHAT IT’S ABOUT! Being a good bridesmaid means a lot of things, it means being supportive, helpful, and learning to put your opinion aside, it means learning to save money, and most importantly it means being organized.
Congratulations! Someone thinks you’re good enough to support and stand next to them on your big day… good for you! But are you ready for this challenge? I feel the first thing to being a) a good bridesmaid/ friend and b) a good person, means that if you’re not ready to take on this responsibility you politely decline. There is nothing wrong with honesty and I’m a big believer in if something isn’t right for your life or life style you simply step away. There are so many reasons behind your choice to be or not to be a good bridesmaid and I believe it’s your duty to accept or decline in favor of the bride.
Secondly, should you choose to accept now is the time to put yourself aside. Being a bride is hard and stressful as it is and it’s unfair for one person to continue to add stress to a bride. Offer up your help, time, and fun ideas. Sometimes it actually helps a bride when someone raises their hand and says “hey let me take that off your plate”.
For example: I was struggling with getting all my maids on the same page, I felt as though I was saying things six or seven times and nothing got done. In terms, my wonderful Maid of Honor took a night out of her life to create a schedule with dates and monetary value so each person would know what they were expected to do. This schedule helped me to not send constant texts and emails to everyone. It also was one less thing I needed to do.
Step two of that: should you be a good bridesmaid, you would have entered those dates into your phone and started to save.
Moving on, I truly think our generation struggles with keeping their mouth shut. Being helpful and opinionated are two different things. If the bride has a dress in mind and loves it… no one cares that you look bad in Hot Pink because it’s not your wedding and it’s not your choice. Now, should the bride say ” which do you like/ prefer, you offer your opinion NOT Advice.
With that being said: Brides be fair. Hot pink is ugly and your bridesmaids shouldn’t be spending $1,000 dollars on an ugly dress. I’m sorry but being considerate is not hard and it should be your job.
The Maid/Matron of honor should be your point of contact. These ladies/men are put in charge of the bridal party for a reason. You should be using these girls as a resource as to what is expected of you and what needs to get done. You’re not doing any favors to the bride by not asking helpful questions. Make sure you have the matron of honor or maid of honors email/ phone number so you know what’s happening.
Know what’s happening! Understand the theme, if or if not your are throwing the bride a shower, wedding details, hair and makeup, date and times you need to be where and when, formal event dress codes, so on and so on . When you’re alert, you save time and like I always say Time is Money! Don’t waste your time or the brides time by having your head in the clouds. Also, please be reachable. We see you on IG posting selfies, so answer a text, email and calls it may be very important.
Bridal Showers/ Bach Parties:
First and foremost: I’ve personally never heard of a Bridal Party throwing a Bride her shower but apparently that’s a thing? In my family, the bride’s mother pays but i have heard that in most cases bridesmaids plan.
Should the bridesmaids be the ones planning, understand what the bride wants is key. If she hates Paris, please don’t throw her a poodle themed party with pink and Eiffel Towers everywhere.
Take a look at the bride’s Pinterest and gather ideas where you can create with your team. Making a Bridal Shower special is important.
Contribute as much time and effort into this as you can to make her day special.
Gifts : Yes, you threw her a fabulous party but a bridal party gift is special! You and the girls can coordinate accordingly based on budgets and registry.
Take it back to 2013, I was graduating college and on a mission to be the best MOH. My cousin is the best, plain Jane, simple kind of girl. I wanted to make her night special and her Bridal Party wasn’t easy to deal with. They all had different budgets (which PS I clearly can’t follow) and needs. So little old me, paid for the whole thing minus everyone’s dinner and club entry..
I had done my research and landed on a plan that was based on in her likes: a spa day and a night at her favorite Jersey Shore Spot. I rented a limo and planned her night. That’s just who I am, I wanted her to have a great night.
When I first got engaged, I thought Vegas was the right place for me. Not because I drink or gamble, but because I wanted to wear sparkles outfits and shop. Little did I understand how much stress and anxiety that would cause. I hate drunks, people touching me, small places, and loud music. I threw Vegas out and I could feel that some of my bridesmaids were disappointed. I felt bad, but I realized that this is my time to be selfish and it’s MINE. Why would I put myself in my worst nightmare for one night of a blinged out bathing suit?
I think people get excited to be out and about and get trashed but if you don’t understand what the bride wants, then it’s not hers it’s yours. You don’t have to like it and I may point out, you don’t have to attend. Bach parties are not in any way shape or form mandatory.
If you choose to go and the bride has picked her destination, then you and the girls should all be pitching in with fun ideas and savings for the bride to enjoy her time.
Create an itinerary, make sure you have plans and reservations for her day. A game plan is always a good idea. Helpful tips:
- Plan in advance: if your exiting the state, make sure your plans are made well in advance and you have researched your destination.
- Send out a cute save the date / invite: allowing everyone to plan and block off their schedule… including the bride.
- Itinerary: once you get there please make sure plans are made in advance for assurance that the bride gets to do as many things as she would like.
- Enjoy and have fun! Smile!!!
- Please make sure you even have these dates set aside. No one wants to hear you forgot and have a play date with Susie at the mall.
- Understand the dress code: Nail polish, hair, etc.
- Have your dress hemmed and pressed 1 month before to avoid and concerns.
- Be on time